i can’t help but to sit up every night & think about what it would be like to have someone who actually cares about me.
all the idea’s keep replaying in my head, over & over again. you see, there’s this one guy who i really like, but he doesn’t really think it’s a good idea for us to talk right now. i’ve been single for three years & i FINALLY get my chance with this guy & he doesn’t even wanna talk anymore. every time he tries to talk to me, i get really upset & i actually cry. yeah, im pathetic blah blah, whatever. i have feelings, just like everyone else.
you see, my mother left when i was ten. she was never really around before then, but after my parents got a divorce my life just crumbled. i had to do most of my growing up while i should still be acting like a kid. she’s the one person who taught me that trust meant everything, & she was the one that showed me it only took one mistake to break it. no matter what she puts me through, i will ALWAYS love her. she’s not the best mother, but she is my mother. but i do find myself having a hard time with my feelings because of her. i was a very love deprived child… so i feel like its nearly impossible for someone to love me. i just don’t think i have a very loving personality. maybe that’s why im so pushy & over sensitive with guys. i don’t think i’ll ever get better. but who knows.
wishes are the only thing i have left.